Star Force Perseverance (SF81) (Star Force Origin Series) Page 4

  a bit then going back out again, but something inside him was throwing up a red

  flag.

  So he’d come here, and now he couldn’t get his head

  clear. And not because of something unique to today, but he was realizing that he

  had been blind to something for a very long time. He didn’t know what it was, but

  he could feel a little corner in his mind starting to peel back, one that

  suggested he had a sheet of fog over his mind and now that he’d noticed it he

  couldn’t let it go.

  The little peak he was getting made him feel like he

  was mentally suffocating and hadn’t even realized it previously. He had to get

  a clean ‘breath’ in, but right now he just knelt on the ground unable to

  mentally figure out how to do that with the lizard gore all over his state of

  mind.

  On impulse he stood up and began stripping off his

  uniform. Shirt, shoes, pants…everything went in a pile on the muddy ground and

  he walked off through the fog feeling his toes sinking into the grime.

  But it was a cleansing grime, a ‘holy’ grime, and Paul

  felt his mind slacken just a touch more. He got the feeling he needed to run

  away as far as he could, so to that end he headed past the partially submerged

  X-wing to the back side of the chamber…which had holographic walls and cleverly

  designed terrain to give the feeling that you were on a wide open planet. He

  could see through it with his Pefbar but he never turned it on in here, wanting

  to drink up as much ambiance as possible.

  Paul found a little pond, barely an offshoot of a

  larger one, with holographic frogs, snakes, and other wildlife surrounding it.

  The sounds of the swampy forest were all around him as he sat down on the edge

  of the pond, barely bigger than a hot tub, and slid in feet first underneath a

  thick root. He had to wedge himself through the small gap, but when he got

  underneath it he found it was deeper than he’d expected. He went all the way

  under and held himself there, hiding from the planet, the fleet, and even the

  other Archons on this ship.

  He mentally made himself so small he disappeared, and

  even through this chamber was shielded against telepathy he engaged his Kgat,

  making his mental signature vanish had there been any telepaths within the

  chamber. Paul let himself go anonymous, disappearing from anywhere and

  everywhere while sinking into a seated position on the muck at the bottom of

  the dirty water hole with a cage of roots over his head.

  The trailblazer held his breath, but it wasn’t much of

  an effort. His focus was on disconnecting from anything and everything, even to

  the point that he wasn’t planning on going back to the fight, the war, or even

  the ADZ. There was no tomorrow, no duties, missions, or have-tos of any kind.

  All there was was this moment, and everything that had an influence over him,

  directly or indirect, he released. No one in the universe mattered right now,

  it was just him and his little pond on Dagobah. He even let himself forget he

  was on a ship, soaking in his surroundings on the mysterious world from Star

  Wars lore.

  Before his lungs ran out of oxygen he slowly came to

  the surface, the top of his head poking out of the water until his nose cleared

  the waterline. It bumped against a root and he held there very still for a

  moment, eyes closed as he felt the air on his wet forehead that was dripping

  rivulets off his bangs. He was silent, but the forest around him was not. Wisps

  of fog flowed past him, interfering with his vision and sometimes completely

  eclipsing his sight…which finally sold his mind on the disconnected thing.

  Paul was a Jedi in the swamps of Dagobah, and suddenly

  a flow of relief surged through him as his mind finally released restraints he

  didn’t even know he’d been running with. One after another flicked off like

  dominoes, and for the first in in who knew how long did he truly breathe in a

  breath of clean air.

  The lizard gore was gone and he was himself again…just

  himself, and that pile of clothes that was now well out of sight might as well

  be a Jedi robe for all he knew. Nothing unauthentic was now here to prick his

  mind out of the illusion, and that gave him the clarity to realize that something

  had to change. He didn’t run the same mental calculations again, knowing how

  they’d come out, but he chose to pursue the gut feeling and let it soak into

  him, with it becoming ever more clear that Star Force wasn’t on the path it

  needed to be. He wasn’t on the proper Jedi path, and he didn’t know what it

  was, but for the moment, here on Dagobah, he was himself again.

  Paul stayed under those roots in the water for a long

  time, thinking without analyzing and getting a better sense of who he was

  rather than what the situation demanded of him until a very soft pitter patter

  of feet walked up in front of his position, almost inaudible amongst the sounds

  of the forest, until a slender, pale pair of feet stood a meter in front of his

  face with the genetically altered bright red and orange toenails of a Clan

  Angry Chipmunk Archon he immediately recognized despite not being able to see

  above her ankles through the roots.

  Those feet slid into the water, followed by the rest

  of Riona’s slender, pale body as a small wave washed over Paul’s face. She

  didn’t say a word, vocally anyway, and repositioned herself in the mucky little

  hot tub alongside him, pulling a strand of wet hair out of her eyes. They both

  held still and silent for nearly a minute, with a wry smile on Paul’s face.

  Eventually she tapped him on the head with a finger, telling him to drop his

  Kgat.

  Paul let go of the mental invisibility psionic, which

  blocked him from sensing or receiving from anyone else as well as hiding

  himself.

  So who are we hiding

  from? she asked, eyes peeling and looking around the perimeter of their

  little puddle rather than at him as if there were a real threat.

  The galaxy,

  he replied after a long pause.

  Cozy spot. You

  come here a lot?

  Do you usually

  make house calls naked?

  This is a house?

  Doesn’t look like it. More like a slimy mud hole.

  Is there

  something you need?

  Riona smiled, finally turning her eyes to look at his,

  with both of their mouths still under the water line. I was going to ask you the same thing.

  Because I came

  back to the ship?

  Word is you’re

  pissed. What’s going on?

  Paul frowned. Who

  said that?

  A few Archons

  you passed on the way out. They said you were raging so hard they could feel it

  in your aura.

  Paul turned inward for a moment, searching his

  memories. If I was I didn’t even notice.

  Hence the raging

  part.

  And you thought

  a naked you would cheer me up?

  No, I saw your

  armor and clothes laying back there so I de
cided to follow suit. What are we

  doing here?

  I needed to get

  away from everyone.

  So why do we

  need to get away? she pressed, amending his ‘I’ into ‘we.’

  To clear my

  head.

  And that means

  getting naked and dunking yourself in a mud hole?

  Oddly yes. This

  is the cleanest place I could think of, but even it took some time before I

  felt like myself again.

  What’s wrong,

  Paul?

  Something I need

  to figure out for myself, he said half apologetically.

  Alright, she

  said, not taking offense. Paul felt the water move as she repositioned herself,

  then her face was in his and she kissed him underneath the waterline.

  What are you

  doing? he asked when she pulled back.

  You can either

  tell me what’s going on or we’re going to make out, she said, kissing him

  again.

  Sweet, he

  said, pushing her back slightly with his arm. But I don’t take well to threats, he added sarcastically.

  No threat,

  she said, kissing him a third time and holding it for several seconds, but you came here to relax and I’m going to

  help you do it.

  Riona, he

  said as she kissed him again, but he didn’t feel like pushing her away too

  strongly.

  Talk, she

  insisted.

  Sometimes people

  just need some space.

  There’s no one

  here. We’ve got all the space we need, she said, ignoring his attempts to

  put her off and kissing him again.

  This time when she released the lip lock he slid an

  arm up in between them so she couldn’t do it again, but in a flash his arm was

  grabbed and pulled aside with the water surging up over his eyes as Riona got

  up on him and wrapped her arms and legs around him, pushing them face to face

  with her nose buried in the skin beneath his right ear.

  No Paul, she

  said firmly. You’re not pushing me away

  this time. Either you talk or we’re making out. And if that doesn’t bother you

  I’m going to fuck you after that. We don’t have sex because there’s no purpose

  in it, but I have one now and believe me when I say I will do you in a

  heartbeat if I have to.

  This is extortion,

  Paul complained.

  Yep, she

  said, kissing the side of his neck, but this time she didn’t stop, only taking

  a few small breaks for a breath of air. He didn’t stop her, but he didn’t say

  anything either, calling her bluff.

  Riona mentally shrugged, then repositioned her hold on

  him and pushed him all the way underneath the water so she could straighten him

  out and get herself in the proper alignment. When she started rubbing against

  him and felt a response Paul finally grabbed her with his telekinesis and

  stopped her from moving.

  Something is

  wrong, he admitted.

  Riona surged her Rentar and broke his hold, but rather

  to pursue her sexual agenda she pulled him back up into a sitting position and

  they both got their noses above water.

  Spill, boy, she

  said, still wrapping him up in a four limbed hold.

  We can’t keep

  going on like this.

  Who exactly?

  Me…and the rest

  of Star Force.

  Riona stared at him closely, then went a bit bolder

  and hacked into his nervous system so she could get a better look at his mental

  state. She didn’t push in too deep as to be offensive, but just enough to get a

  feel for where he was at right now.

  Too much gore?

  The lizards are

  making us fight their way, and we can’t keep doing that.

  What else can we

  do?

  That’s the

  problem. I don’t have an answer for that.

  So you came here

  to think?

  Yes.

  And you think

  better naked in a mud hole?

  This place is

  meant to feel like Dagobah. Feel like the Force, clean, holy even. When I took

  my armor off I still felt gore covered. I had to chuck the uniform and immerse

  myself until my head washed clear.

  But you’re still

  not alright.

  I was ok by

  myself.

  If I can knock

  you off center either I’m a lot hotter than I thought or you’re a lot

  weaker…and I know neither one is true.

  I was able to

  find my center by disconnecting with everything, but if I go back out there,

  back to the fighting like I know I have to, I’m going to have to numb up. We

  have to fight them, but doing it this way is wrong. Not because they’re in the

  right, but because this isn’t the way we should be fighting. There are so many

  of them that have to be killed, with even more being grown to replace those we

  take out. They’re making us fight a blood bath and it’s just too damn easy. I

  can kill them so easily that it doesn’t feel right. If I was in danger it would

  be different, but I know that, despite how devious they are, unless they get

  lucky or I make a mistake they can’t stop me. I’m in total control and yet

  they’re making me go Sith and slaughter them.

  Riona kissed him again, but this time on the forehead

  in an endearing way. Paul, you couldn’t

  be Sith if you tried.

  This isn’t

  right, Riona. My gut says so and my logic says otherwise. The two aren’t

  matching up and that is the real problem. I don’t have the luxury of putting

  this off, because as long as I’m not down there fighting someone else is, and

  I’ll not have them die when I could easily have prevented it. And we can’t

  stall the invasion, for every day it lasts more people out there, people we may

  never even meet are getting killed. One more cruiser might not make a bit of

  difference here, but out there, if they’re like we were in the beginning, a

  single cruiser could conquer a planet. We can’t put this off, but I had to come

  up here and get my head clear before I go back down. It’s clear now, or was

  until you came in, but I know as soon as I leave I’ll have to numb up. I don’t

  want to do that, but I can’t find any other options.

  I’ve gotten gore

  head too, you know. I think we all have at some point. Especially since we

  started using the death sabers…and no, that wasn’t a bad idea. It makes us a

  lot more efficient.

  How do you deal

  with it?

  I take a break

  and reset. Then I’m good to go.

  How?

  You don’t know?

  Obviously not.

  I mean about me.

  Or are you blind to it too?

  I don’t know up

  from down right now, so please fill me in.

  I’m not in

  command. I command virtually all of Star Force when needed, but all the second

  gen take the lead from you guys. I can trust them, and especially you, to do

&n
bsp; the right thing. If you’re leading us in this fight then I know we’re in the

  right, even if it gets bloody, and I do my part.

  What if I lead

  you down the wrong path?

  You’d never do

  that willingly, and it’s not like I don’t have a mind of my own. I’ve just got

  a different perspective than you.

  And what do you

  see?

  I see a threat

  that has to be eliminated. I don’t like the methods we have to use, but

  ultimately they’re choosing it. They can surrender whenever they want.

  I know, I know.

  I’ve been around this logic loop hundreds of thousands of times. But my gut is

  saying otherwise. I’d been ignoring it until just now, when the gore got too

  much that I couldn’t ignore it subconsciously. A red flag was thrown and I

  won’t ignore that. Something is wrong and I can’t figure out what it is.

  I think I know

  part of the problem. When was the last time you were kissed?

  A moment ago.

  Don’t be coy.

  You know we

  don’t make a habit of it.

  You misinterpret

  me. When was the last time you were kissed?

  Paul frowned. Now

  I honestly don’t know what you mean.

  Riona opened up a bit of her mind to him and moved her

  lips to his mouth and kissing him gently, making the emotion clear. It wasn’t a

  buzz, but rather a comfort. A release from fighting and a…reward?

  You’re so far in

  you can’t even see it, she said, pulling back and bumping noses with him. You don’t have to lead every second of every

  day. You can take a break. Take a moment to rest.

  I don’t have

  that luxury and you know it. Roger and Liam can handle a lot, but I’ve…

  You’re the top

  dog.

  Not exactly…

  Yes you are. You

  all swap duties, Morgan has the highest rank, but at the end of the day you’re

  a little bit better than them.

  Is that really

  what you think?

  No, it’s what

  you think. If you really considered them peers you’d let them lead for a bit,

  but you think that if they haven’t found a solution to something then it’s up

  to you to do it. You always put yourself head of the line, first in the fight,

  at the tip of the spear. I am a lot of the time, but then in times like this

  I’m not at the tip, I get to hide behind the tip and not take the full brunt of

  the stress. You’re always on the tip because you won’t let yourself go anywhere